How Brenda Got Her Groove Back

I sometimes tell people
that the only good thing
about being sick
is how GREAT you feel
when you get better.

(Okay, so this only works
for people with temporary plagues
like colds and flu...
there are actually other
good things that come
with more chronic illnesses...
much deeper and richer benefits
that can be found during the journey....)

Ah, but recovery from a cold is SWEET.

Plus, I had a great week at work.
Amazing visits
with amazing people.

On the personal front,
I'm feeling more in control
of clutter and finances.

And yesterday I had a nice
dose of righteous indignation,
which pumped some anger
and passion
and adrenaline through me...
who knew getting ticked off
could be such a
soul reviving thing?

I've taken the melancholy
CD out of my car...
and am listening to Janet Jackson.

Here's some irony:
I feel like a kinder and gentler person
when I'm revved up
than I do when I'm sad and low.

Something about energy...
I'm more likely to bite
when I'm tired.

Time to Stop and Breathe

I found myself stretched pretty thin
this week, especially on Friday.
It took some fairly constant effort
to not just sit and cry
in my car or at my desk at work.
I made it through the day.

The combination of my Grandmother's death,
a persistent head cold,
my brother's news that he
and his family are moving
18 time zones away,
and just general overdoing it
finally all closed in.

So I stayed home Saturday
and groused
and weeded the asparagus bed
and painted a birdhouse.

I stayed home from church this morning
and watched CBS Sunday Morning.

I feel better.

Gardening and cooking hashbrowns
for supper last night
made me feel more connected
with my Grandmother's side of the family,
along with a phone call from my aunt.

I'm starting to remember
how very much I enjoyed
my trip to New Zealand,
and how nice it might be
to go back and visit
Steve and his family.

And this cold
has been asking me
to stop and rest
for long over a week.

Sometimes it pays
to listen to the good advice
of snot.

I'm cleaning house today
and spending
some very special time alone.

If I keep it up,
I might be fit for human company
by tomorrow afternoon.

Already I'm feeling more
like myself.

Visualization

While I was visiting at the Specialty Hospital today
a patient's wife talked to me
about using visualization
and meditation
to decrease anxiety
while trying to go to sleep at night.
We talked about remembering a place
like the woods, or a beach...
and thinking of every sight
and sound
and smell
in all the detail possible.
Even if you don't succeed
in finding sleep,
it is more fun to think about
beautiful places
than all the stresses and worries
of the day.

Sometimes I wonder
who is the chaplain here?
She couldn't have known
my recent bent
toward insomnia and worry.
Nor did I tell her...
we just stuck to sharing
our favorite scenes,
places of retreat
in the quiet depths of our minds.

Thoughts of Summer

Here is a picture of 2004's garden, in its young and tender early days. Before the beans became jungle growth and produced food for hoards. Before the corn grew tall and bore wonderful sweet ears. Before the squash took over.

When the scarecrow was still young
and pretty.

Wow. Look at the green on the surrounding trees. Ooh. Summer.

It is cold tonight. Tonight I just browse seed catalogues and dream.

This year, I've already bought peas in two varieties. Various greens. I'm still pondering tomato types. Going to try the beans on towers instead of in rows this year. Will need a new scarecrow for the corn. Okay, for my amusement. Pie tins hanging from twine off sticks seem to actually do better at keeping the birds at a distance. Maybe. Or it could be that the pie tins are also just for our own amusement.

This year, some of the things I planted in 2004 will finally get their groove on. The asparagus bed will put food repeatedly on the table for the first time. The grape vine, which last year bravely bore three bunches of grapes, will begin its formal training.

I actually ate out of the garden this very January week. Cilantro for my omelet...young plants coming up from seed after coriander fell to the earth and began the cycle of life again. Mmmm.

Resolve

Okay, I know we are
more than halfway through January.
...But it is never too late
to get started on the year.
Calendars are arbitrary, anyway.

I resolve
to spend less than I make.
Starting in February.
Maybe March.

I resolve to save six months salary
for a rainy day.
(I did this once...and behold,
I lived on it for six months
between salaried positions.)

This will take a while.

I resolve to play in my garden...
to can and freeze more vegetables
for better eating in the winter months.

I resolve to avoid cursing,
biting, and generally loosing my temper
while holding a leadership position
at my church.

Okay, cursing in public.

I resolve
to play my guitar
and my mandolin
and to sing loudly
(but again, not in public
if I can possibly help it).

I resolve to live with less clutter
to dig out of some of the paper
and books and general mess
that cover the surfaces of my home.

Hmm. I think I'll start on the clutter
NOW.

Less resolving,
more house cleaning....

In Memory of My Grandmother

A Goodbye to Mental Acuity

Oy.
I've noticed with age,
that my mind clicks more slowly
each day.

But this week takes the cake.

I always tell hospice families
that grief will take
a lot of mental energy,
but it is another thing
to experience it.

I find myself oddly dislexic,
(and uncertain I spelled that right),
mixing my numbers
when performing simple tasks
like writing down a phone number
or writing a check.

My train of thought
keeps derailing.

Everything seems to take
more effort than usual.

On the whole,
I feel pretty chipper
(except when I don't)
and expect to feel even better
when we finally
have a day without clouds.

Oh, well.
Keep the dark chocolate coming,
hold the purring kitten,
and wait for sunny days.

I Happy I Home

My parents tell me
that my first complete sentence
was after a trip.
We pulled into the driveway
and I said,
"I happy I home."

Truer words, I've never spoken.

Apologies for the faithful few
who kept checking my little blog,
only to see the same ice pictures.

I've spent the last three weeks
in Florida and Georgia,
on an unexpected, extended "vacation."

I went down to help bring
my maternal Grandmother
home from the hospital with hospice.

A different side of the hospice experience
than my day to day work.

Still, everything we hope for...
she was happy to be home,
surrounded by family and friends,
in no real pain,
and gave every sign of being at peace.

Meanwhile, my nephew was diagnosed
with mild epilepsy...see brother's blog
for more details and a really cool
Christmas tree.

I bought a new camera
after new year's
just in time to take pictures of family
and Grandmother's farm
after the funeral.

I'll upload some pics
just as soon as I install
the new software.

But wanted to go ahead
and send greetings
and thanks,
for kind wishes and prayers.

It was a very special Christmas.

Better Ice Pictures from my Front Step

Just what the doctor ordered

Okay, not impressive photography, but you get the general idea.

I wasn't going to actually GO OUTSIDE on the slick front step.

Nor was I going to linger in the cold.

At the request of the highway patrol, as travel is non-essential for me this morning, and the roads, like our front step, are slicker than goose poop, I'm staying in my pajamas and drinking coffee.

Peace.

Praying for Ice

One of my coworkers, a social worker
who pulled weekend duty this past week,
on his 8th consecutive day of work
was standing in the office
praying for a good ice storm.

Something to keep us all tucked away at home
for a day, just a day.

Sounds pretty darn good to me.

The weather people on TV
keep predicting ice,
and it keeps freezing
all the counties around us.

I know it is selfish.

I know I'll sing a different tune
if the ice knocks the power out.

I know it would be a hardship
for those who must get from place to place,
and for many who stay home.

Still. A day off.
Kids sledding
down the sheet of ice that
was and is and will be the street.

A day at home.

Oh, well. It will come
when least convenient.



My niece and nephews have had their first deep snow of the year.

Losing Things

There seems to be a subtle theme
in the last week or so.
I lost my keys all weekend
and found them Sunday afternoon.
Saturday I left my purse
at Boston Market
but it was waiting
safe and sound behind the counter
with all of it's contents intact
when I returned about 20 minutes later.
(Thank you for honest people!)
Today I lost most of the dates
on my electronic organizer,
mysteriously erased during backup
with the computer.
No hope of recovery there,
other than wracking my memory
and asking for help from others
who have me on their calendars.
None of these are real losses,
just inconveniences.

Meanwhile, my grandmother
is having small strokes down in Florida.
She has lost a good bit of her vision
in the last few days.

We seem to have temporarily
lost touch with my brother...
no blogs, e-mails or calls
this last couple weeks.
I find I've come to depend
on his blog to check on him
and his family
in non-intrusive ways.

I think I've lost a little
of my bounce today.
I'm home
and a little droopy
on a rainy Monday.

On the bright side,
no shots, removals or
other violence to my skin
at the dermatologist today.
Just an accidental rip
in the doily they gave me to wear
that made for a little
sexier slit
than was originally designed.

Always glad to have
the annual spot check behind me.

The scenery in and around Hogwarts

Saw the new Harry Potter movie yesterday.
Loved it.
One of the things I noticed was the scenery...
(on at least one of the previous movies
if you skip from scene to scene on the DVD
you get to look at the grand sets
and outdoor scenes one right after another...
I think it was the second movie
I skipped through for this discovery,
but I'm not sure.)
I found myself yesterday
wanting to be at Hogwarts,
not because of the magic,
but just for the huge open spaces
indoors and out.
I'm trying to notice
the grand sets
of my daily life,
with more attention
and more awareness.
The Gothic church sanctuary this morning,
the rainy, cloud covered mountains
this afternoon.
The beauty is there,
if I take time to notice.

Everybody loves a tent

We had little boys sleeping in the dining room
during the Thanksgiving family slam.
We set up the tent and threw in some
sleeping mats and sleeping bags.
Footy pajamas and bedtime stories
and teddy bears
and a visitation from little sister/cousin...
and a very, very good time was had by all.

Half a month later...

Whew.
What a month.
My Dad and Aunt Jewel
came to visit for a whole week.
Thanksgiving we had sixteen people
at supper time
packed in the dining room and kitchen.
Six of them were twelve years old and under.
I hope the memories
will be a treasure to them,
as my own memories
of houses packed with family
at holiday gatherings
continue to be for me.
Sunday I got to preach
in the new sanctuary.
This week I am just catching my breath
after the whirlwind of family
and food
and fun.
I missed being with the crowd
at Grandmother's farm
in Florida.
But I was pleased to discover
that I can make oyster dressing
and that traditions continue
even as the faces and the places change.













In south Georgia, this would be considered a blizzard.

Pakistan Earthquake

Sunday night the program Sixty Minutes had a report on the earthquake in Pakistan that occurred October 8th. The earthquake hasn't gotten much press compared to the Tsunami or Hurricane Katrina, but it was much, much worse. The United Nations calls it the biggest humanitarian disaster they've ever faced. Around 90,000 are dead. Three million people don't have shelter, and winter, harsh winter is coming.

I've researched ways to donate, and have decided to go through the United Methodist church, not because of my background, but because 95% or more of donations go directly to the cause. Administrative costs are paid through church donations, so relief donations go to relief.

Doctors Without Borders is also working on this disaster. 85.4% of donations go to programs, so this is also a great way to give.

United Methodist Committee on Relief

Doctors Without Borders

For more research on charitable causes and how much bang you get for your buck, check out the Better Business Bureau.

Anticipation

My dad and his sister
might come to see me for a week.
If they do, they'll get here Saturday.
Still too early to tell
if they'll change their minds.

Sunday
we will have Sunday School
and worship
in our new church
for the first time.

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving.

I'm looking forward
to the weekend
and the following week.

It makes this week
seem to tick by
more slowly than usual.

Moving & Raking Day

Ah, almost too tired to type.
My arms feel like spaghetti
only with a bit more sore
...both muscle sore and
big honking bruise sore.

But what a lovely feeling
to set up rooms
in the new church building.
(Well, new to us.
'Twas built in 1926, I think.)

Thankfully, moving
was interrupted
by childcare responsibilites
so other people
could have a shot at moving things.

I got to sit in the sunshine
later in the afternoon
with brilliant blue skies above
and balmy late summer weather (?)
while two girls ran
joyfully about the playground.
Restful to my arms and spirit.

Don't know why we're having
this weather, this time of year,
but it was GORGEOUS
for moving
and for raking leaves.

The youngest next door
was having a grand time
jumping in leaf piles.

I think everyone in Asheville
raked today.

Despite the summer weather,
we moved from fall
to fell
this week.

Back from the Beach

Apologies for not having pictures
of the sunset
the white sand
the hundreds of sand dollars
the clear cool water.

I left my camera in the car
two hours away from the beach
when I carpooled with June.
(I left my toothbrush, too,
but bought another
at the grocery store.)

Just know it was perfect weather
and picture perfect scenery,
and all was well with my three friends.
An oasis time...
usually at least one of us
is in crisis or transition.

The calm before the storm, perhaps.

Now I'm home.

Work is topsy turvy
with administrative transitions
and we'll be a chaplain short
by the end of the week.

Ernie the cat
is growling at me.
I think he has the feline dementia.

But so it goes.
I'll put my feet up now,
just for a few minutes...
close my eyes,
and play my internal films
of walks on the beach
and laughter
with my friends.

On Turning 39

I've always liked numbers divisible by three.
They seemed magical to me
when I was a child learning math.
Add the digits together
and divide by three...
So...one thousand two hundred and forty five
leads us to add: one plus two plus four plus five
which equals twelve.
Twelve is divisible by three...
and so we know that one thousand two hundred and forty five
is divisible by three.
Thirty nine--
a number elegant in its threeness.
Three and three times three...
Not a bad place to be in life, either.
Old enough to have a few grains of wisdom
and young enough that
my bones and joints and innards
and my basic mental cogs
still usually function.