Friday, September 30, 2005

Dependence Day

One of the greatest challenges of my work:
sitting in nursing homes
talking to people
suddenly totally dependent
on facility staff and family.

One woman fighting back tears
because she no longer determines
when she gets to pee.
She is on a schedule...
every hour and a half,
no earlier.

Another fights depression
because "my keepers
sit with me
while I smoke...
and sometimes you just want
to smoke alone."

Stuck in a chair or a bed
unable to walk
unable to use arthritic hands
without incredible difficulty.

The spiritual challenge
of total dependence
and loss of the illusion of freedom.

I turned today to a coworker,
who practices Buddhist meditation,
trying to prepare herself
for the day when she must
completely let go of attachment
to independence and privacy,
accepting what is now.

My work has also introduced me
to people who have found
the grand acceptance
that allows them to find quality of life
and an inner sense of strength
and wholeness
even as their body fails them completely.

If only I could bottle this spiritual peace....
it is so hard to learn,
so hard to teach.

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