Productivity

Saturday morning, and I am not
all fired up to go back to school.
Here are my morning thoughts
on the whole matter of productivity.

I had a hospice patient a few months back,
who was determined to learn Spanish.
From my view point, it was obviously
a bargaining tactic. I've seen it before.
If only I put my energy into THIS project,
then I can stop the natural progression
towards death.
(Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified bargaining
as one of our very common and natural responses
along the path to our own death.)
Sometimes it comes in a very religious form.
"I will dedicate my life to mission...
I will dedicate my life to the Lord..."
All in the hope that my life will become too indispensible
to end.

I'm currently visiting with a woman
who has made hundreds of quilt tops,
all different, all beautiful.
She intends to quilt until they take the sewing needle
out of her cold dead hands.
But here's the difference...
she talks openly and joyfully
about death and heaven.
She's done the things she needs to do,
she's ready to go when the time comes.
She just plans to stay productive
in the meantime.

The difference between these two approaches
can be very subtle, and sometimes blurred.
I hope I can take the quilting path.
Staying in the game as long as I'm here,
but not trying to buy time or youth
by looking busy.

My conclusion...
my focus this week on career and education
dances right on the line of middle age bargaining
and meaningful intentionality.