Twitching

Had a temporary derailment this week.
Last Friday I got called in to work at 2:30 in the morning.
Got up, shook the fog off my brain, drove through the rain
to attempt to offer comfort to the parents
of a seven month old baby
who had died in our hospice inpatient unit.
Stayed at hospice until a priest came
and offered comfort from the family's own tradition
and drove back home in the rain.
No surprise, I couldn't go back to sleep.

In my four years of hospice work
and my fifteen plus years of ministry
I've mostly made my peace with death...
but it is different when the deceased is an infant
(and a beautiful one, at that).

I've talked a lot to coworkers
and friends...
looked into different vocations
just in case I can't do this for the next twenty five years...
and gradually settled back into myself.

I found some comfort in remembering
that my smart ass cousin,
the funeral director,
told me one time that he cries
every time he works with a child or baby.

So...

Continuing to grow
and struggle.

Today I'll plant my spring vegetables
and focus on the earth
and the hope of new life.